Do You Believe These Lies About Yourself? And How to Overcome Them
As seen in the Healing and CPTSD Chronicles
Every survivor has a different story, yet our individual traumas teach us the same universal lies about ourselves.
If you’ve experienced any form of trauma, you may have internalized these four lies about yourself and not even realized it:
I am to blame for my abuse.
I am bad and unworthy of good things.
I am shameful.
I am powerless to change.
These lies almost held me back too. As a survivor of extreme childhood trauma, I identified so deeply with my toxic programming that I didn’t realize I held these negative thoughts about myself. Growing up, I consistently heard messages such as these:
This is all your fault.
You are not the daughter we wanted.
You are a bad person. Look what you’ve done to us.
You’ll never be more than a servant.
I tried to outrun my past. I tried to out-perform my shame. I tried everything to heal. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t able to overcome my generational trauma until I faced these self-limiting beliefs. Because my traumas began early in my childhood, I didn’t even realize I was carrying feelings of guilt, shame, self-blame and self-loathing. These patterns ran my life until I discovered how to identify these lies, reparent and nurture myself to believe in my own value.
Fortunately, we can heal from these core wounds at any point in our healing journey. We can release and overcome these lies by using the following framework – Name it, tame it, reframe it.
When you’re ready to make a change in your life and deepen your relationship with yourself, set aside some time to get curious about these lies and reflect on your thoughts without judgment. Please be gentle with yourself and reassure yourself that it’s okay to take breaks as needed. Trust that deep healing is on the other side.
Step #1: Name it
The first step is acknowledging which of these lies resonate with you and begin to understand these self-limiting beliefs are not true. Trust that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. These are universal lies that many trauma survivors struggle with, and you can overcome them.
Step #2: Tame it
The next step is acknowledging how much these beliefs appear in our daily lives. What we resist persists, so identifying each lie and examining its impact allows us to take steps toward releasing these beliefs and receiving deep healing.
In your journal, observe any thoughts or feelings that may arise for each lie. Here are some examples for you to reflect on, and I encourage you to get as specific as possible.
I am to blame for my abuse.
When and where do I feel guilty for existing?
When and where do I apologize for something that I don’t need to apologize for?
When and where do I feel like _________ is all my fault?
I am bad and unworthy of good things.
What do I feel that I am not worthy of?
When and where do I feel that I am not worthy?
When and where do I overextend myself or have poor boundaries?
I am shameful.
What does my inner critic tell me?
What do I feel most ashamed of at my soul’s core?
What did my family teach me to be ashamed of?
When and where do I feel like I don’t belong?
When and where do I feel the need to hide my true self?
I am powerless to change.
When and where do I believe I have no power over my life?
What areas of my life do I think I’m powerless?
Step #3: Reframe it
The last step is reframing the beliefs that cause our core wounds, so we can release the lies and begin to live life on our terms.
Review your answers from Step #2. Notice if you’ve felt a shift or have identified areas where you desire to make a change for yourself. Reflect on those areas
Here are some examples to get you started.
I am to blame for my abuse.
My trauma was not my fault, and I am not to blame for my abuse.
What happened to me was not my responsibility, and I choose to heal from it.
What steps can I take to release the blame?
Where can I take responsibility in my life and make my own change?
I am bad and unworthy of good things.
I am worthy, period. I am deserving of love, happiness and respect.
In what areas of my life do I feel worthy?
If I don’t feel worthy in certain situations, can you ask yourself – why not me?
How can I prioritize myself by implementing boundaries?
I am shameful.
My past does not define my worth. I belong, and I deserve to take up space.
Where do I belong?
How can I practice showing up for myself?
What steps can I take to release the shame?
I am powerless to change.
I am powerful. I believe in my power and choose to reclaim it.
Where do I need to take charge with my own power?
Where in my life am I empowered to make changes? What can I do or learn to make this possible?
Repeat this exercise as often as needed. Healing happens in community, so reflect further with your therapist or trauma recovery coach.
Though it may feel exceptionally painful and vulnerable at first, your candid reflections will help you release and overcome these false self-limiting beliefs. On the other side, you’ll find more self-compassion, self-love and increased value within.
May you find your peace and healing.
